Not a single adult has ever openly discussed why many kids misbehave. Many who misbehave are intelligent kids.
This observation comes from years of working with struggling readers. The pattern is unmistakable: bright, capable children are often the ones who act out the most in class.
The Hidden Driver: Shame Avoidance
From my 2015 post on Shame Avoidance (drawing from the Children of the Code video):
Kid No.1: I’d make a scene … just rebel… I was just embarrassed.
Kid No.2: I just make up an excuse…
Kid No.3: I usually slump down… pretend I’m figuring out something.
Kid No.4: Go to restroom… turn my head down…
Kid No.5: I will go to the bathroom and stay until it was time…
Kid No.6: I will act like I was asleep so they would not call on me.
These are not “bad” kids. They are intelligent children in shame mode. They know they are falling behind in reading while others succeed. The fear of looking stupid is overwhelming. As Dr. Donald Nathanson noted: “Wouldn’t a child be stupid to voluntarily do something that is going to humiliate him?”
Intelligent kids feel the gap most acutely. They don’t want to be exposed, so they disrupt, avoid, pretend, or rebel — anything to escape the moment of potential humiliation. This isn’t defiance for its own sake. It is survival.
As I wrote in Not All Emotions Foster Learning:
Shame, fear, and anxiety do not expand learning — they shut it down. They narrow focus, impair memory, and drive avoidance. Curiosity and joy open the mind. Shame closes it.
Over-accommodating negative emotions (endless calm-down plans without addressing the root) can reinforce avoidance instead of building resilience. Intelligent children who struggle to read suffer most from this shame-avoidance cycle, not from lack of ability.
The Cycle That Burns Out Everyone
In my response to Judine V’s LinkedIn post on teacher burnout and student misbehaviour:
When shame-driven misbehaviour goes unaddressed, teachers spend their emotional energy managing symptoms rather than teaching. Disruptions become the top stressor, contributing to burnout. The child falls further behind, shame deepens, and risks increase — depression, self-harm, and even the school-to-prison pipeline.
Yet when these same bright children finally learn to read properly (through precise letter-sound teaching and blending without confusing extras), the misbehaviour often disappears. Confidence returns. Engagement improves. The emotional volatility fades.
From Consider Evidence That Contradicts Your Beliefs:
We must be willing to challenge entrenched ideas — including the tendency to label misbehaviour as simple “defiance” or to over-focus on phonological deficits without addressing the instructional root causes (like sloppy letter sounds) that create early shame in the first place.
True intelligence is the ability to consider contradictory evidence and admit we might be wrong. Too often, the education world prefers familiar narratives over practical solutions that actually stop the shame cycle.
The Way Forward
Screen early for reading difficulties.
Teach crisp, pure consonant sounds and blending from the start (no added “uh”).
Recognise shame-avoidance behaviours as signals of learning struggles, not just “bad behaviour.”
Address the root — reading failure — instead of only managing symptoms.
When we break the shame cycle, classrooms become calmer for everyone. Teachers preserve their energy. Intelligent children thrive instead of shutting down.
Student well-being and teacher well-being are intertwined. Let’s stop treating misbehaviour as the problem and start treating unaddressed shame from reading struggles as the source.
Prevent rather than cure.
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