(For parents with dyslexic kids get a copy of 'Teach Your Child to Read') LINK
The Missing Piece—Shame Avoidance in Intelligent Children
A recent LinkedIn post powerfully captured the hidden toll of modern teaching: the constant emotional labor required to be present for 20+ students, regulate the classroom, respond with empathy, and manage behavior—all without adequate structural support. The author rightly points out that student misbehaviour often communicates unmet needs, but teachers' burnout, disengagement, or departure from the profession communicates something too: care without backup has limits. Student well-being and teacher well-being truly are the same priority, and sustainable classrooms require counseling teams, shared leadership on behaviour systems, and policies that don't place the entire emotional burden on one adult.
I agree completely. The post highlights a real crisis. But there's an additional layer rarely discussed openly: many of the "problem" behaviours we see in classrooms—especially from bright, intelligent children—stem from shame avoidance rooted in undiagnosed or unaddressed reading difficulties.
The Hidden Driver: Shame in Smart Kids Who Struggle to Read
Intelligent children are often the ones who misbehave the most disruptively. Why? Because they are acutely aware of the gap between what they should be able to do and what they can do. When classmates read fluently and they cannot, the shame is intense. They don't want to look stupid. They don't want to be called on. So, they act out—disrupt the lesson, make excuses, hide, pretend to be distracted, or even pretend to be asleep—to avoid the moment of exposure.
This isn't defiance for its own sake. It's survival. As described in the classic "Children of the Code" video and echoed by experts like Dr. Donald Nathanson, children in shame mode will do almost anything to escape humiliation. Negative self-talk takes over ("I'm no good," "I can't do this"), attention shuts down, and books become aversive. Over time, this avoidance becomes habitual misbehaviour.
In my experience tutoring over 80 students one-on-one since 2004, the pattern is consistent: when these bright children finally learn to read properly—through targeted, precise instruction in letter-sound correspondence and blending—the misbehaviour disappears. Self-confidence returns, engagement improves, and the emotional volatility fades. Their posture changes, they contribute in class, and they no longer need to "dodge" the shame. (See my post: Learning to Read – what started going right?) LINK
The Cycle That Burns Out Teachers and Students Alike
When shame-driven misbehaviour goes unaddressed, the consequences compound:
Teachers spend their emotional energy on managing symptoms rather than teaching.
Disruptions become the top stressor, contributing directly to burnout and the teacher shortage.
The child falls further behind, shame deepens, and the risk of long-term harm increases—depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and even overrepresentation in the justice system.
Research supports this link: children with reading problems and dyslexia face higher risks of suicidal thoughts and attempts, often tied to school trauma, bullying, academic failure, and chronic shame. Untreated, the school-to-prison pipeline becomes tragically real for many smart kids who started out simply unable to decode words. (See more in my posts: Shame Avoidance LINK and Breaking the Cycle: From Classroom Chaos to Confident Readers LINK)
A Path Forward: Address the Root Cause.
The LinkedIn post calls for structural support—counseling, shared responsibility, better policies. That's essential. But we also need to stop treating misbehaviour as the problem and start treating shame and reading failure as the source.
Practical steps include:
Universal early screening for reading difficulties in kindergarten and first grade.
Evidence-based instruction focused on precise sound pronunciation, blending without guessing, and avoiding outdated myths (e.g., the outdated overemphasis on phonological deficits.)
Retention or targeted intervention when needed, rather than social promotion that hides the problem.
Teacher training to recognize shame-avoidance behaviors as signals of learning struggles, not just "bad behaviour."
When we break the shame cycle early, classrooms become calmer, teachers preserve their emotional reserves, and intelligent children thrive instead of shutting down.
Student well-being and teacher well-being are intertwined. By addressing the root causes of misbehaviour—especially in bright children hiding their struggles—we create the supportive, sustainable classrooms we all want.
If you're a parent or teacher dealing with these patterns, feel free to reach out (luqmanm2002@yahoo.co.uk) for free coaching ideas. I've seen the transformation happen—over and over.
Let's stop pouring from empty cups and start filling them at the source.
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